I spent so many years inside evangelical and fundamentalist religious systems, trying, fighting, to do and be good.
I fought to wake up as early as five am in college to do my “devotions” and prayer. I prayed with every conscious thought I had. I tried to guard every thought, to set my eyes on god and heaven where I would be in the future, to live for a cause, to think very little of myself and my life.
Then I painstakingly tore it all down. With many tears and internal distress I watched as it slowly stopped making any sense at all to me and I began trying desperately hard to be a good person in the real world. I tried a new way to heal: through self help, science, journaling.
And honestly it helped quite a bit.
But it wasn’t until these past three years that I began to realize similarities in ideas and beliefs that felt resonant in my body:
Being present and allowing are more potent than anything else to create change within me.
I made it my spiritual practice to be with what is showing up for me in each moment:
feelings, needs, desires, thoughts.
And allow them to be, to show up, to be observed.
To not fight what is, but to allow and be with it.
It’s simple, but not necessarily easy.
I felt relief for the first time in that I was no longer trying to make what wasn’t, be.
Causing my own suffering (which, after playing victim in need of a savior my whole life was a delicious feeling in it’s own right), and continuing the same old patterns.
What disrupts a cycle is when we release shame.
Look at any spiritual tradition, any study of the human mind, anywhere, for real, go ahead. ALL of them will remind you that shame will keep you exactly where you are.
So how do I stop it?? Now I feel shame about feeling shame!?!
I did the same thing, it’s okay.
That’s where you start.
Offer yourself understanding and compassion for feeling shame.
Be with, and allow.
Whisper gently to yourself:
“It’s really hard for me to feel this right now.”
“It’s understandable that I feel this way”
“Everyone feels this way sometimes.”
Allow the sensation to wash over you and notice your body. What's the texture? Temperature?
Then find a neutral place in your body, your feet, your earlobe, and gently bring your attention to that. If you need to touch that part of your body to bring your attention to sensation there, go ahead.
Your body is existing right now, so when you are present with it, you are here, practicing mindfulness.
See what you did?
You interrupted your downward spiral of shame with compassionate presence and allowing.
What I’ve realized is this:
The simple truths integrated with practice over time are the most powerful and profound. It’s so subtle you may not even realize it’s happening sometimes, and then all that work drops in a profound shift of realization.
Selling instant change and quick results is the game of late stage capitalism, not reality.
The change you are longing for, the shift of breaking out of that pattern, of feeling empowered in yourself and in your life can happen, truly you are that powerful.
And it’s not a one size fit’s all/ three months to cured package. Because ew. And also because, Nature.
The great news:
There is no need to arrive where your heart is desiring to feel worthy and good and happy in your life.
You can feel good and worthy on your way there.
There is nothing more that I adore than being a part of your process and supporting those subtle shifts and practices over time so that you get to those dreams and desires in a process that feels good and fucking LASTS.
I have several spots for 1:1 coaching.
Is one of them for you?
I mean, probably because you’re here, seeking, looking, and you know there’s more to healing than really really good marketing. (Even though we all love good marketing :D)
If you’re feeling the tug, click HERE to schedule a consult chat with me.
Looking forward to hearing from you, Lovely.
xo
Christina
