Five whole years.
As someone who grew up in a heightened state of awareness, due to trauma (continual overwhelm), Time has been an interesting experience.
When I first started coaching I hired a business coach and was immediately like “how can I get to working full time in my coaching business like yesterday???” and thankfully I hired someone with integrity because she said “what if it takes five years?”
I responded with protesting, instant nervous system overwhelm and fear. No, I’d give up, that can’t be. No.
The interesting thing is that as I’ve moved along in this journey I’ve realized the paradox of desire, and life… slowing down is the key to moving forward.
I gave birth to my daughter five years ago.
I read recently that new studies are finding that the postpartum period lasts FIVE YEARS, as opposed to the three months we previously thought. (I don’t know the sources for this, feel free to google it and if you find out let me know.)
I share in spite of not knowing the sources because it feels deeply true for me.
At five years I feel like I finally settled into being a mom.
I wanted to be fucking perfect at it like before I started, and I spent a lot of time bemoaning the fact that I was not perfect. And instead of the perfection arriving at five years, what I had been working towards so diligently: presence and acceptance, settled into me in a new way.
(Still working on this for SURE.)
Our systems tend to desire to operate the way they have been operating.
If we want to change what we do, we have to change how we do it.
I jumped into both coaching and parenting in the same way I had been operating my entire life: with urgency and very guarded against messing up, failure, and I began drowning in exhaustion from my own perfectionism. Because well, that’s where I was before.
It wasn’t until I began to move from a slower (painfully slow to my system in overdrive) pace, that I began to actually see possibilities of doing this differently.
Five years in, I began to settle…
There are two important things to note here:
Real change takes time
So… not matter how much you push and fight and TRY so fucking hard, it still takes the time it takes. Meaning: It’s okay to try the slower pace.
It’s normal for you to feel a bit flounder-y.
Whether you have just stepped into the role of parent, or another significant role in your life, if you feel a bit lost, that’s normal.
I cannot emphasize this enough: Seek out support from people in integrity who will hold you in that process, not rescue you from it.
Because that process is your messy middle, your cocoon stage, your own beautiful growth process.
You do not need to be rescued
You do not need to be saved
You need support and people around you believing in you and in your process, offering you wisdom for the journey you are on.
If you are wanting someone to believe in your during this space, to see all the magic you bring and hold you in it. Let’s chat.
It may be that we are a match for this journey.