I will be getting on a plane in less than 24 hours to go and speak in Hawaii. In a career I love, doing work that means the world to me.
I did not start out here. I grew up with little to no aspiration beyond the role I was handed from my community: wife, mom, supporter of others dreams.
And the funny thing is I am all of those things: I am a wife, and mom, and in my work I support others dreams, but I didn’t realize that in that there could also be room for my dreams, that I could have my own dreams.
A little over two years now I started this work and what I have learned is that in order to support anyone in their expansion, I must continually be in my own. I need to be leaning into the growth, healing, and resting that I am encouraging and sharing with my clients.
I want to share with you three things that really profoundly impacted my journey to get to where I am in this moment, headed to do something that I am both thrilled and nervous about, doing work that I love.
Here we go:
Make bold asks
I went to New York a few years back and got to see/experience this interactive play called Sleep No More. It was a four story building where you could run around and watch parts of the play unfold. It was absolutely wild and life changing (and hella weird.I highly recommend.)
They gave us instructions at the start: Be quiet, spread out and be curious, and the one that stuck with me: The bold will be rewarded. They said that throughout the performance they would seek volunteers to be a part of things, but that they wouldn’t specifically ask. Their instruction was: The bold will be rewarded.
During a dance, one of the leads held a delicate hand out towards us onlookers and I stepped forward and touched their hand.
They grabbed my hand and pulled me forward and into this tiny little closet and whispered a message into my ear. I had become more than an onlooker, and it was because I was bold enough to step in.
What bold asks can you make in your life? You might get a no, but more often than not your asking will lead to a different result and open up possibilities for you that were not there before. It is in the asking, the stepping forward that says “I’m in” that can move you towards what you are longing for.
The more me this is the better it will be
We are surrounded by people we can compare ourselves to, and social media lends itself to just that: Whose life is “more” “together” or has “achieved more.” Blah blah blah.
Our inner dialogue is wired to keep us alive, not happy. Just alive. So with so many years in our evolution wiring us to fit in so we are not cast out by the community and end up without resources, we naturally compare ourselves as a way of saying “am I safe here? Am I contributing enough? Do people like me? Or will I be rejected and kicked out of society?”
It may not be that direct, but it’s there.
The thing is, with the level of interconnectedness we now have access to it can be confusing to know who our people are we are feeling safe with to gain that sense of belonging which is actually necessary to live. (Let me just say that in person friends and community are the shit. Find people who can love you face to face and you will create a much more stable sense of belonging.)
Anyway, if you are like me and have spent a lot of your life trying to make other people happy so that you can feel safe there is some serious power in deciding: The more you, the better.
Why?
Being yourself is far less exhausting than trying to make others happy.
The people left around you will know are there for the real you.
No one can take away the signature you-ness of you.
You are actually unique, and the best of what you have to offer in relationship, in work, and community is actually in who you are, not in you being like someone else you admire.
I can choose how I see my life
I decided a few years ago while sitting in traffic that I could actually be the center of my story.
This was no longer a movie about the world, this movie could be mine. I could see my own perspective and empathize with my pain. I could be kind to myself and grow to love myself. I could have:
Main Character Energy
I was sitting in traffic and I thought: this traffic wouldn’t be here unless it was some key element to the plot. If it is included then it meant something to the overall scheme of my story.
Now, pause: not everything has to means something or have some great big lesson. This shift here is: instead of raging against things that I cannot change, I can allow things to be just a part of the story that makes up my life. If I am in it, it has value and I can see and love me in it just like you would a beloved character from a show or movie. You are there watching them, yes?
You are that character in your own life.
I saw Elyse Myers on TikTok a little while back share a video of herself saying she decided she was hot. And that is a lot like this. There is so much freedom in deciding how you view yourself and choosing what you will do, will not do, will be okay with, will tolerate, will not tolerate.
You are the main character in your story!
So go on, Make bold asks, make your life more you, and choose how you see things. I am cheering you on!
If you’re sitting there like “but how do I know who I am and what makes something more me? What if what I choose isn’t right?”
Let's chat. Click here and schedule a call to talk about it.
Much love to you!
Your Coach,
Christina C.
Life Coach, Speaker, Teacher, Podcast Host
(She/They)-- Insta: @ChristinaCarlsonLifeCoach Podcast: Bitches, Witches, and Queers
