What does it mean to have a relationship with yourself?
What does it mean to have personal intimacy?
So many of us who were raised in the Evangelical circles were deprived of a relationship with ourselves for many reasons.
We were taught that our bodies were bad, and that created a separation between our mind and bodies.
We were taught that God knew our thoughts, and that thoughts could be sinful, and even send us to hell. It’s a lot to have god in our thoughts, and then the forced sharing we were a part of in bible studies and small groups, and accountability groups. We could have not shared, but god was in our thoughts and would know if we kept sin private, and that was meant to be exposed.
This is spiritual abuse.
This type of invasion of privacy damages our relationship with ourselves because we become divided to survive.
True Story: I didn't allow myself to sexually fantasize about other people until a few years after leaving religion because my mind was so traumatized by having an angry god present in my every thought.
So how do we start to heal that relationship?
Very often we can start simple with this, and it can remain simple: We give ourselves space to foster that relationship.
This can look like:
Listening to our bodies cues: need to pee? Go. Hungry? Eat.
Drinking one glass of water every morning.
Noticing. Just spending a little of your attention on what is going on with you and your body each day: How do I feel? What do I need? What is something kind I can do for myself right now?
Keep one promise to yourself every day.
Keep things in your life, and in your mind that are just for you, no one else.
Part of the dignity of being human is having your privacy respected.
Find something to do, just for you, each day.
If you are unsure where to start, play and explore. Try a few different things and see how they make you feel. Notice how they feel in your body.
This relationship with yourself will be as unique as you are.
Feel totally lost?
Meditate for five minutes er day.
Set a timer for 5 minutes and sit in a place that is comfortable for you. Set up your voice recorder on your phone and talk yourself through the experience. ("I'm sitting here, and its uncomfortable, i've never done this before...")
Do this for a week and you will discover some interesting things about yourself.
All of these things are building something critical: relationship with you. and when you have a relationship with yourself, and your body, it becomes much easier to hear our own intuition. Our own inner wisdom and guidance for life.
Did you try any of these exercises? What was your experience? I would love to hear from you!
Comment below or DM me on insta!
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