Being a woman raised in religion I was told I would suffer and that I would suffer specifically because I was a woman. I was told to always put the needs of everyone above my own, including, and even especially, when it caused me to suffer. I was told this suffering would make me holy. I was told I would be better for it.
Instead it actually encouraged bitterness, and judgment of anyone NOT suffering the way that I was.
I wanted other people to suffer in this way to become holy because it was “the right thing to do.”
This brought more suffering to my heart, to those around me, and to my life. I could not move forward to anything with this type of mindset.
The truth is that pain is a part of life. It happens no matter what we do. Believing that we deserve to experience pain and choosing to remain in harm will cause suffering deep inside of us.
So I started to ask myself quietly in whispers
“what if I am alive for more than suffering?”
“What if there is more to life than being hurt and being quiet?”
“What if there is a better way to be my best?”
What began to unfold in me was a power to choose. I learned that I had some choice as to what happened in my life. I could actually take responsibility for me, for my feelings, for my life choices.
I had agency.
This realization has revolutionized my way of being and existing in the world.
This brought about a whole lot of learning about self-responsibility and what that means in my own life.
If I am not made to suffer, then I am made for creating, being, doing, even thriving.
If that is true how do I make that happen? I have to take responsibility for my life.
These two have to be true in tandem:
I deserve better
I am going to work to give myself better
I am responsible for my life.
You, my loves, deserve a life that is more than suffering. You deserve to know and own your worth, to feel the fullness of life along with the inevitable pain. You deserve to go after what makes your soul light up. You are capable of taking responsibility for your own life and where you want it to go.
What do you want?
What do you really want?
If you could do anything with your one life, what would you do, love?
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