There can be this tendency to look back and cringe. "I can't believe I thought ___" "I can't believe I did ___"
But I want to suggest a different approach.
A huge life changing practice for me has been naming worthy things about myself, or others.
You are worthy of love, belonging, fulfillment, what you desire. You are not worthy "when" or worthy "if."
You have always been worthy. So when something pops up in your memories, something you did, said, thought, allow yourself to feel the cringe and take a deep breath.
Place your hand on your heart and name that version of yourself worthy.
This text below Is what I wrote when after much time deconstructing without the courage to write it down, or say it out loud, I finally laid it all out there. I had found a part of myself and a belief that truly came from me, not from what I had been told I "should" think.
"Thoughts on God - 2018"
"If the fruit of the spirit is love joy peace patience kindness goodness gentleness and self control shouldn’t it stand to reason that where you find these things you have found the spirit? This would mean that the spirit is not limited to one religion, or doctrine. This would mean the spirit is not specific to race, religion, sexual orientation, political status. This means that where you find love you find God. Where you find peace you find God. Where you find kindness you have there encountered God.
I didn’t see this before. I was too busy doing mental hurdles to believe that that the love I saw outside of Christianity must somehow be fake, counterfeit, false. That unless a person was a Christian they could never have “real” love. How false that is. And, how destructive. To point outside of your group and say that “those people cannot know true love, they are only showing false love” is destructive. It’s gaslighting. It’s saying that the other persons experience is false, not real. Tell that to the mother who risks her life to flee with her child from an abusive partner. Tell that to the father who works extra hours to provide for his family and still takes time to laugh with them so they know they are loved. Tell that to the sister who physically jumps in front of a bomb to protect her brother. There is real love everywhere and you CANNOT Say it’s not real. If you believe this then you haven’t allowed yourself to see it. You have, like I had, entirely surrounded yourself with people in your exact line of thinking. The people who “are in” and the people you harm and say aren’t able to truly love, to you they have no faces, no humanity. They are either projects to correct their thinking, or they are destructive horrible faceless people. If you saw their humanity you would see their love and you would know: you alone do not posses God. God is within them, as much as he is within you. You do not hold the monopoly on love. She is beating in the heart of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness....
It is not doubt that brought me here but hope. It is not fear that has brought me here, it is love. It is being guided by the loving hand of the Divine whispering in my ear: I AM love, I AM good. Look for me and you will find me."
Celebrate every stage of your growth, Love. Every step you take towards your wholeness, towards love, towards openness. You are, and have been, worthy every step of your journey.
So much Love,
CC
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