We need time to integrate.
There is this mindset that is very pervasive in a lot of places, and I know it was deeply ingrained in evangelicalism:
We strove for perfection. In everything. And that included learning and growing and being productive with every bit of time. This constant striving to fix and perfect ourselves will not heal because it is the same method we were using before.
It is the striving to prove we are okay.
We are okay, already. I know the first thought might be, “wait, I have issues now, I’m not okay.” and I don’t mean that you feel okay, I am not dismissing your feelings about what you’re going through. What I am saying is that you are enough.
You do not need to perform in any certain way to deserve love and acceptance right now. You can accept yourself as you are.
You see, so many of us were raised with a punishment and reward system. If we were doing something wrong, we were punished, instead of being taught. Because of this we can feel deep fear about accepting ourselves. We think that acceptance of who and where we are is giving up on ourselves, or staying complacent. The truth though is that you need the support of your own self acceptance to really heal.
Acceptance says “I am worthy of my own love, support, compassion, even when, especially when, I have made a mistake.” We cannot expect others to give that to us always, it has to start with us.
There’s a shift towards kindness and trust in ourselves that needs to take place for healing and growth to occur.
Think about the quiet of winter, and then the warming of spring, the environment is warm and the sun shines, and the water comes. It’s nurturing, trusting that what is already in the ground needs that time and nutrients to integrate, and then bring that growth.
Allow yourself that same kindness, time to integrate and allow learning to settle in your soul, to take root.
You will see the growth, you can trust yourself with that.
A lot of self help that we consume is useful, but if we do not allow it to integrate, or practice it, it stays in our minds. Healing needs to occur in many ways and it needs. to include our bodies, our relationship with ourselves, and our relationships with others. Practice is integration.
How will you love on yourself this week?
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