1. Instagram captions and quippy sayings won’t do anything for you.
I think we all want to learn things and the nature of social media is that it gets us information and entertainment quickly. When this is combined with really powerful information and wisdom it gives us the sense that we are learning and growing. And we are… but all of that information does almost nothing for us unless we take the time to integrate it and really walk with that information. Practice that new practice, shift how we view things, journal about our feelings about it.
Social Media gives us the feeling of productivity and growth without having to do the work, and without actually healing and growing. Instead, choose what peaks your interest most and buy the book, sign up with the coach, read the blog. Not only will this allow you to have a calmer nervous system, but what you learn or hear is much more likely to be digested because of the slower pace.
2. Real change and healing takes time.
If you take a year to integrate one subject you will grow far more than if you read every new self-help book and take all the latest courses and listen to all the latest information. Depth of growth and wisdom cannot be rushed, and happens when you sit with the ins and outs of something, coming to your own peace and understanding of something. That is where your own wisdom and perspective come in, and true growth takes place.
3. Sometimes it hurts before it gets better.
A lot of the time, if we have been avoiding our feelings, or ignoring problems in our lives, when we go to start out healing journey those feelings come up and we learn to be with this, to deal with reality bit by bit. It can be a lot to feel all of the things we have been ignoring. This doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong. This is a necessary part of healing. You will start to get more skilled at meeting your needs and caring for yourself as time goes on. And let me tell you something beautiful that can happen: When we suppress feelings to avoid feeling them, all of our feelings get dulled. So when our feelings are allowed space they all come back in.
That does include the feelings we’ve struggled with like sadness and anger, but this also includes joy, lightness, and love. These can also be felt with more depth and that is an irreplaceable gift to yourself.
4. The kindest, most loving response to yourself is the most powerful.
So many of us were taught that “tough love” was the way to get motivated and do things “better.” We internalized the voices of those who told us we weren’t smart enough, good enough, whether directly or indirectly. This negative inner dialogue can lead us to repeating spirals of shame and keep us in a pattern of inaction.
It may seem counterintuitive and even dangerous to us at first but showing yourself kindness in an intentional way as often as possible is an incredibly powerful tool for healing, and also for creating forward motion.
5. You will not arrive (This is good news!).
This one took me a while to come to understand and I still need to be reminded of this often. There is no arriving in a perfect place. So much of the self help world is sold to us with the idea that we can somehow escape being human if we do everything right. That we can avoid pain and hurt if we are fully enlightened. You will not arrive, and that’s actually good news. If we can accept that we won’t arrive then we can stop grasping so hard at attaining perfection. We can allow our growth to go at a pace that feels manageable to us.
We can grow to love and accept ourselves as we are right now and get off the hamster wheel of constant self improvement and dive into the depth of healing that comes in being here, right now in this present moment.
Christina Carlson (She/They) is an Embodiment and Energetic Coach, Speaker, Teacher, and the Host of the Podcast Bitches, Witches, and Queers.
She offers 1:1 coaching to support your freedom to operate your own way and to do so with freedom from shame and with full confidence, believing It is imperfectly sacred and holy to be who you are.